Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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