they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
