If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
