i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
