I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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