Princesses don't give blow jobs
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
