Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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