I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
