Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
