Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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