nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
