your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
