NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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