I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
