I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
