I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
