Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
