Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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