My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
