Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I want to fling myself into the sun
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
