so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your cock deserves a montage
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
