I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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