Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mom said you looked used
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
