Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
