i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
