i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
