"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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