It's Friday. Sex?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
