I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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