It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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