What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
