Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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