dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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