She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
