Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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