Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
