That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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