i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
