Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
