Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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