i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Randomize
