I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
