she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
