quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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