Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hotel room ftw
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
