I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
