Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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