Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
