yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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