I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
