I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
