I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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