no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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