i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
