i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
