You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
