Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
