Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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