I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
