I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
